PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
