I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
