the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
