Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
