Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize