yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You made out with two different species that night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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