she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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