You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
