Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize