I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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