Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
now i know why i became what i already was.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
