Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
