matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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