I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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