This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
