dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
