Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
