the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
