Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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