I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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