I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How naked do you want me to be?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
