I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
