I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
