DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
