3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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