Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

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(760): View more from California

...so i touched it.

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(301): View more from Maryland

My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.

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(925): View more from California

She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.

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(626): View more from California

He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....

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(847): View more from Illinois

Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship

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(813): View more from Florida

PSA Do not blow dry your junk.

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