nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
