i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
