i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
