Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so that wasnt chicken after all
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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