i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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