Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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