lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize