Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
