Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
