He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
