My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
