everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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