they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
