Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
