Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
