Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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