kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
