so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
