he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
