i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
