His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
