but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize