I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
