I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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