I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
