Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
