how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
either way he was missing a nipple.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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