In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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