Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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