woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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