I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
