so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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