I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
