Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
