FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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