I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
