tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
