So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Boobs speak an international language.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
