Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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