Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
