i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize