You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
