Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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