just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize