dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
