so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I love having hate sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
