What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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