Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
