You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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