The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
