I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
