i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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