Just fell off a train. Bad.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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