Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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