Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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