I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
