I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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