I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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