you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
