I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
