Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
