he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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