Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
