You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
