thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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