I need to stop coming to work sober
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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