i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
