I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think i have two assholes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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