His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
