It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
