Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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