Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
