no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
