get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
