i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
