69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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