Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize