If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
