Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
