I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
