Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
