Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
