if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
