Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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