Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
