That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
