Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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