so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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