like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
