I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Will exercising make me less horny?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
