I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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