i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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