I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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