she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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