I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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