I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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