I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
